Log in

No account? Create an account
☣ Toxicity

gasmask in gearwell

002: Hello, ABC.

Title: Hello, ABC.
Fandom: The Used (AU)
Pairings: N/A
Summary: Congressman Dan Whitesides addresses the press.

The Public Relations people had told Dan (but they had not told 'Dan', they told 'Congressman Whitesides') that the only way to clean up this mess was to directly speak to the press. All the major daytime news networks had leeched on to this new political disaster as soon as Dan finished puking half-consumed vodka all over the House of Representatives. The PR people said that this was not exactly damning alone; they could have passed it off as just a slight bout of indigestion. The problem laid in his slurred scream that 'half'a you basters have fahFUCKS'a wives, and the utha half're fahFUCKS yerselves!'. And of course, passing out in a puddle of vomit on Nancy Pelosi's shoe.

So it was aranged that Dan was to go out there and face the Big Bad Media himself, and explain that he was truly sorry from the bottom of his heart. Personal problems made him drink. Genetics. The Lord Jesus came down and told him to get fucking sloppy. Whatever.

And so, adjusting his tie and shaking his hair, Dan looked out at all the reporters clutching their little voice recorders and their cameras and their press passes. Leaning into the mike, he began his address.

"CNN, New York Times, the Today show..." God, this was going downhill already. He had guessed it wasn't kosher to chuck a bottle of Jack during a live discussion on his drinking, which is why he did so before he got onstage. "NBC, ABC..." And then he stopped.

And giggled.

"Alcoholics Being Cool..."

And as he dreamily passed out, he heard the sounds of cameras flashing and people screaming. Best move of his career yet.



April 2010

Powered by LiveJournal.com